learn to fly

I've taken a lazy but necessary week-long hiatus from writing. But my knuckles have been itching to be cracked and my fingers antsy for stretching. All in preparation for the inevitable ping ping ping and the reach reach reaching they'll be performing. Like a symphony, or at least a cacophony of taps.

I used the word necessary to describe my absence, and I'm fairly confidant with my choice of adjective. I was absent because I needed to gain some perspective, and some focus. I can't keep floundering around, sitting on piles of work that I get neurotic over and can't let out of my superhuman fear grip, let alone summarize and synopsize and make copies and collate and  stuff in an envelope and address and stamp and dump in a mailbox to travel via postal mail. I got all sweaty and queasy just typing that.

But now it's time to push that to the side, to soldier through and save the queasy and sweaty for after I've done the deed. It's more than overdue, and probably why I'm having such a hard time moving on and creating something new. I need to walk away from the other project wholly satisfied with my efforts, so I can breathe easy with the knowledge that every possible avenue was covered.

And then I can do something with all of these ingredients swirling around in my head - I've been sitting on so many story ideas, so many bits and fragments of good material. I can't wait to have a free mind to explore some of those possibilities. I think it's safe to say that when I am passionate about a project, there isn't a facet of the process I don't enjoy. And because I am so trepidatious about sharing my work, I recognize my eagerness to write for what it is: a passion, a need sometimes.

I probably repeat those points too often, but I've never apologized for the fact that this "blog" is my shitty excuse for a journalistic outlet, one that is rife with opinions and feelings and quasi-musings on shit that matters to not one single person other than myself. And that's super fabulous okay with me, because as I already pointed out, I create this work for myself. I'm way too lazy to be doing it for any other reason. But then that possibility of recognition, of providing entertainment or at least fodder for discussion, it looms larger than anything else. That could be the result of having a completed project, or just because I am more susceptible to the lure of publication than I have been willing to admit.

Whatever the reason, publication is indeed the eventual goal, and I'm ready for whatever that entails. With the aid of a barf bag.